What is Home to You?

I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about the concept of home and how it can be defined.  It can be a place, an idea, a sense of being, or remembering your humanity.  Home can be what you make it. 

I’ve made it my intention to meet people here that I can engage with who are defining what home is to them and how they use their sense of home to go out into the world daily.  There comes a time after the dust settles that prompts the obligatory feeling of panic or disbelief when you move to a country and decide to make it home.  It is one thing to visit a different place and do all the touristy stuff, and it’s another thing to live and work.  I had my moment this week where I woke up and looked around my apartment, and I thought, “Oh shit!  I live in a different country!”  The feeling felt like it knocked the wind out of me and that I was on my way to a panic attack.  It doesn’t last long…reality has its way of bringing you back to earth.  My reality check was Xola.  His routine has changed a little since we’ve been here, but it seems he has adapted.  The day of my mini panic was sunny after a few days of rain.  It was a tad brisk, so I put his coat on to take him out.  We have three paths that we can take to embark on a walk:  two ways are uphill, and one is downhill.  Xola chose the downhill path that morning, but after a rain, you have to tiptoe your way down hills because it is highly likely that you will bust your ass on the sidewalk tiles.  Work from the wise…don’t wear Chuck Taylors after a rain…that’s all I will say.

Xola has always been a happy dog, but his tale wags more here.  His tail wagging is rarely rhythmic but more of a wave.  On this day, his Xola’s tail wagging made me tear up a little as it’s taken a while for him to come out of his shell after racing with other greyhounds for the first few years of his life.  He’s had to learn how to play, to be affectionate, and alternative ways to communicate.  Before I brought him over, I ensured he had a space for himself that he would immediately identify, and he claimed it the right way.  I was glad to be able to make him feel at home.  He owns it.

There’s a term in Portuguese:  Saudade.  There isn’t a word that captures the meaning or feeling of Saudade, but here are a couple of definitions:

·        Feelings of hurt, nostalgia, and incompleteness caused by the absence,

disappearance, distance, or deprivation of people, times, places, or things to which

one was affectionately and happily linked, and which one would like to have present

again.

·        Simple definition:  A melancholic longing or yearning.

Only five languages have words similar in meaning to saudade, but you feel it when you are around Portuguese people.  Portugal redefines itself after the Revolution of April 25th and the freedom from authoritative rule.  More recently, there has been an influx of immigrants to Portugal, including expats, and in Lisbon especially, you see the melting pot of cultures everywhere you go.  I can walk down my street and hear several Portuguese dialects and many other languages present.  This diversity doesn’t sit well with some people, and it is reminiscent of the right wing trying to hold on to power and money in the US.  This aversion to change has occurred throughout history, but I wonder what nostalgia people hold on to when they protest change. 

People need to understand what home means to them and what is necessary to create a sense of home daily.  It feels nice when you are comfortable, and the world is changing so rapidly that it’s making people uncomfortable, trying to pump the breaks on change when it is inevitable.  There’s a market for companies trying to sell hacks or making it seem like their company has all the answers to change if you follow their five easy steps.  Change is not something that you can hack.  There is no easy way around it: you cannot use old paradigms or instructions to house the new developments that come from change.  You must be in a state of gratitude and acceptance and be open to your inner guidance to navigate change, or you get swallowed up.  Have you ever been in a season where you’ve been swallowed up?  I couldn’t help myself.

I needed to find a place where my soul could be grounded enough for my creativity to thrive and wake up every morning with a sense of inspiration to accommodate change.  For most of my life, I’ve had this feeling of Saudade, and I’ve chased after this longing…not to wake up feeling it or to do things that distract me from it.   I recognize that I am a dreamer.  Much of what I do depends on interpreting my dreams and what they mean to me, and this intuitive knowledge, paired with reality and my experience and wisdom, is the catalyst for lasting change in my life.  I’ve found that my dreams are powerful, but they mean nothing without action.  I would define myself more as creative now:  someone who brings dreams to reality.  Creativity is vulnerable because you bring something to life that has never been seen before.  Some people will like it, and others won’t.  Creativity can make you sensitive to criticism.  All the risks associated with creativity, including vulnerability to others, are part of the process.  We were all here to create something. 

My sense of home must be secure for creativity to flourish, which is why it is so important to me. Listening to myself and my needs is not something I had the time to do extensively in the States. Most of my day is spent taking care of the needs of others, primarily work and commuting.  That left only a few hours a day to concentrate on yourself, only if you were single.  Add pets and a significant other, and your time becomes scarcer.  The people in your life aren’t a burden; it's just that your dedication to watering yourself becomes more complicated. 

What I need to feel “home.”

·        A daily routine:  I wake up, take Xola for a walk, clean/tidy up, make coffee and

breakfast, and people-watch while eating.

·        A peaceful and comfortable place to live.

·        A city/metropolitan area that offers the things that make my heart sing:  Proximity to

everyday things, access to beaches and mountains, warm climate, cultural events,

and great food.

·        Supportive friends and family

·        Experience the creativity of others through music, art, or just loving what they do.

·        Nature

·        Balanced energy in people, places, etc

·        Xola

·        A place where my creativity can thrive and make itself at home.

·        Security in being in this human body and experience.

·        Living amongst beauty

The moment I stepped foot in Lisbon was the day that I no longer felt that feeling of saudade.  I don’t think Lisbon itself solved that problem, but people and things led me here that I appreciate and being in such a colorful and creative place changes some of my beliefs about life daily.  I don’t think that moving halfway across the world is the solution for everyone.  My point is that everyone has their idea of home and what that means to them, and people must listen to themselves and understand what home means to them.  What makes you feel “home?”